I Want To Stop Here

I think mom and dad quite upset with me! I can feel it as I said to them that I want to stop all my treatment, appointment and whatsoever that really tiring for me! Seriously okeh! I'm quite dissapointed with my condition plus with all the appointment that I have to go through! Crazy okeh when you have to follow up with more than one doctor and definitely more than one hospital... 

During my last appointment last week, the doctor asked me to start taking the medicine called UDCA plus he's going to refer me to one of his friend also the consultant of gastroenterologist & hepatologist... Reason? To ensure that I got the very special treatment from both of them plus the reason of mencekik urat leher dan duit aku! 



Entah la, sometimes I feel so stress and yet I feel so down and down... Penat la sebenarnya nak mengikut semua ni, yes that's what I should do if I want to live longer... Tapi bila sudah ada rasa frust aku mula rasa lantak la... Aku tahu dia akan marah bila baca ni dan kata aku tak sayang orang sekeliling dengan cara tak mahu berusaha untuk sembuh... Dear, I've tried for more than 2 years without people knowing that it's really something that feel like putting me away from the normal life... I've done my part, and yet I've to try and try and try... And I feel like to back off... Just trying to accept that I don't want to try anymore, and it hurts...



Please pray that I will be strong again, to continue my treatment and to fight for the best... Apapun kembali pada qada dan qadar yang ajal dan maut itu ketentuan Tuhan...

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